Will on the Inside by Andrew Eliopulos

Author:Andrew Eliopulos
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2023-02-27T00:00:00+00:00

15

The Shattered Mirror

I only feel worse as the day goes on.

Mr. Hayward is super chill when I’m late to history, and he even lets me be excused, no questions asked, when I have to go to the bathroom again. But the second time I raise my hand, he frowns a little and says maybe I should go see the nurse, which causes the whole class to look at me, like it’s my first day back from the hospital all over again.

Julie silently tries to check if I’m okay, but I just shrug at her as I gather my stuff and rush back to the bathroom.

Later, the nurse, Ms. Yolanda, asks if I want to call my parents to come get me, and I shake my head. I tell her it’s because I feel all right—I just need a minute—but the truth is, I know if I call my parents, they’ll want to run straight back to Dr. Clarkson, who will only increase my meds and forbid me from playing soccer. Maybe for good.

There’s a bathroom off the nurse’s office, and I use that one more time before I head back for my last two classes of the day.

I focus all my attention on not being sick, which means I don’t have any attention left for whatever my art and leadership skills teachers are trying to get us to learn. Every time my thoughts start to wander to what Luca might be saying about me at that very moment, I snap my mind back to the present.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Focus on the sound of the rain.

Today is definitely in the running for worst day of school ever. Even on the bus ride home, everybody stares at me like I’m an alien, facing straight ahead and breathing deep like my life depends on it, because it sort of does.

It’s such a relief when I finally get home. I change into sweatpants, warm and dry.

I swear I don’t mean to spend the afternoon like I’ve spent every other afternoon this week—turning out all the lights, then turning up the volume on my angriest rock playlist until I can’t hear myself think.

I really do want to say sorry to Griffin. To tell him I haven’t been laughing at him behind his back this whole time, the way Luca made it sound in the library.

But when I log into Mirror Realms, Griffin isn’t there. At first I feel panicky. Griffin’s always on Mirror Realms. If he isn’t there now, there must be something wrong. Then I remember that today is Thursday. The day Griffin has drama club. I laugh, thinking about how he’s in drama club, but I’m the one being dramatic.

And then I decide that since I’m already being dramatic, I might as well blast that rock playlist after all. Make it a four-day streak.

Right away, though, it’s different.

Today, the music doesn’t drown out my thoughts, no matter how loud I make it. Today, it’s like the music only makes my thoughts louder. Makes me realize that I’m not just sorry about Griffin.

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